Old and Lonely

A few days ago, my class went on a CIP (Community Involvement programme) trip to an old folk’s home in the eastern part of Singapore. We were supposed to visit the home to cheer the old folks up or help the home in any way we could such as cleaning. Although we should be enthusiastic, I did not really feel so. It is not that I do not like old folks or anything like that. When I entered the home, a strange sense of sadness overwhelmed me (I did not cry nor did anything of that sort). I was nervous. There were like maybe 20 old folks on the ground floor, staring at us. I many saw sad faces not because we came but rather just sad in general. They did not do much. They slept, ate, perhaps watch a bit of television but I sometimes doubt whether they could understand English. That quickly sums up everything they do.

Their ages ranged from 70+ to 110! It is pretty amazing that people in Singapore can live such a long life. I was shock when I heard one of them was 108 years old and believe she was not the oldest. I never thought people could live so long in a stressful society in Singapore. That was one quick lesson I learnt from about 10 minutes of conversation. Anyway, moving on.

We have prepared a line-up of events for the elderly. However, we did not prepare sufficiently the performance as the class was not cooperative. We had only one proper rehearsal on the day before the trip.The class kept postponing the rehearsal to the eleventh hour. The whole class was supposed to sing for the elderly. We had four Chinese songs, two from our school and the other two are famous Chinese songs. Our teacher was considerably angry at us for not practising for the performance. We had wasted the whole March Holidays and did not take the rehearsal seriously. However, it was too late. We had to sing with the lyrics in our hands and even with lyrics we sang two songs wrongly. It was amazing as one of the songs was from the school. My classmates thought they could memorize and sing that song perfectly. Unfortunately, things did not turn out what we had expected. We sang it wrongly as the lyrics were mixed up towards the end of the song. It sounded weird. I hoped they elderly did not notice it. The elderly were quite happy as they clapped as we sang. This just goes to show that nothing turns out what you expect it to be. This is why we have rehearsals. They make sure we actually practise the performance. Practice makes perfect.

The other performances were great like the magic show. It was the opening act. My friend could make blue cloth come out of a handkerchief and make it disappear again. They were wushu performance too. It was performed by two talented individuals in my class in the school wushu team. The performance was exciting as they flipped, kicked and showed off their wonderful mastery of a certain weapon like a sword. Musically talented classmates played the guitar and piano to entertain the old folks too.

Next, we were asked to converse with the elderly to keep them company. Earlier in the morning, the origami team comprising of a few members of the class including me had showed the class how to make a simple origami crane. We managed to fold like about 60-80 paper cranes. We gave the elderly these paper cranes as a gift. Some were very happy as they were beaming with smiles, some however rejected them. I gave one paper crane to an elderly woman. She was indeed very happy and excited. Perhaps she never really received a gift from anyone ever since she came to the home. She was 80 yet quite jovial. I manage to converse with her as she spoke a wee bit of English and some Chinese. She said she liked the crane allot. We asked her how she was doing and if she liked the place. She said she was fine and the place was fine too. I could tell she was very happy with our visit. Well, at least I accomplished making an elderly woman happy.

Subsequently, I tried to converse with the other people but to no avail. Many only could speak hokkein and Malay. Few could speak Chinese and fewer or none could speak a bit of English. I spoke in Chinese but they just stared blankly at me. I guess they did not understand me. There was a language barrier between the elderly and me. They could not understand me and I could not understand them. The elderly spoke dialects, we spoke in Chinese. I was in an awkward situation many times when they could not understand me but I could not just walk away. That was rude to say something and when you realize the person do not understand you walk off. Many times I find maybe another person that could converse in dialect to take my place. I am ashamed to say, my dialect is hokkein but I know little about it. The generation gap made it even harder to talk. We did not know what to talk about. After the few general questions, we were stuck. Feeling awkward, we try our best to keep up the conversation. It could last no longer than 3 minutes. The elderly just answer our questions, sometimes giving us monosyllabic answers. It was hard to talk to them but it made me happy to see that they enjoyed our company. If I could last 5 minutes talking with them, it will give me an immense sense of satisfaction.

Now, here is the sad part. I talked to one man. He was almost bald. When I talked to him he gave me one word and started to cry. I was shocked and afraid. I did not say anything that hurt him. I asked him “How are you" or” What do you like to do in your free time" in Chinese. Teardrops rolled down his face. I was so frightened. The nurse said he was very sensitive and emotionally. Perhaps, he was so happy that he cried as it had been very long since someone visited him and kept him company. The question popped up in my head “Where is his family" Of course I never ask any of the elderly that question. That would be a fatal question literally. I never understand why people sent their old parents to an old folk’s home. WHY? Even if they cannot take care of the parents, at least they can do is to visit them at least once a week. It would make them so happy. Why don't people do that? I never comprehend why some children would do that to their old parents. They are the ones who raise them and apparently these are the thanks they get, being sent to an old folk’s home! It is amazing some children would do that. I am positive that most of their children would be still alive as their old parents still are. I believe it is just that they feel that it is too troublesome taking care of their parents. They just leave their unwanted parents in the home and only pay the home to support them.

The sheer number of old folks in that single home show that many other home in Singapore are most probably filled with unwanted old folks. With Singapore's ageing population, it is normal to see more elderly walking along the streets but it is not alright to have more and more elderly being taken care in homes. This shows that more and more children do not want their old parents. I wonder what happened to Filial piety. What happen to that Chinese value that our school tried hard to inculcate in us? It apparently went down the drain.

This experience to the Old Folks Home taught me many things. For starters, there are many people worse off them you so do not complain about how life is bad or unfair to you. The elderly there have it worse. Secondly, I learnt that the distance between the elderly and younger generations are getting wider. Language barrier had limited our conversation with the elderly. Dialects are slowly disappearing as time passes on. It is already hard for a teenager like me to converse with an elderly. I few years time, I believe picking up conversation with the elderly will be more challenging than ever. Lastly and most importantly, I learnt that we must be filial to our parents. Ii is out parents that gives us our lives. It is our parents that brought us up. It was our parents that led us through difficult times in our lives. They help us, care for us love us. Do they deserve to be sent to an old folk’s home? Do you think it is alright to do this? I leave that question for you to answer.

Note:
Apparently, I have a similar blog post on this topic named "Old and Alone" last year. It was my first real blog post that was not a prompt from my teacher. It is in the January Section 2009. I was 13 years old then and may not have written very well.